Encircled

I am encircled with just the glimmer of the early morning light

As I push back the curtains and see the hue of the sunlight stream

For mostly it is still dark, even the stars still twinkle in a shadowy sky

I am encircled in the still-dark of the morning

As if an invitation of the new day, an offering to draw me in

I enter the quiet. Bathe in it. Listen to it. Embrace the solace.

Encircled and called to let go over everything, everyone

But One. The Holy One. Called into Holy Presence in this moment.

Somehow in this silence, this stillness, I sense the harmony of grace

Discord and dissonance does not play into the melody at all

I sense I am touching the sacredness and character of God

And my soul softens as I encounter the One who never leaves.

For it is not just on the mountaintop, with joyful triumph

But in these ordinary, quiet, tranquil moments that you call me

Let me listen. Let me respond to the whispers deep in my soul.

Come. Encircle. Encounter. Transform.

Listening With "Ears of the Heart"

I am in tune to both the silence and the clamor
Of the season...I hear so many sounds
Some so pleasing...the sounds of an angelic choir
The glee of childrens' excitement

Or the patience that wears thin
Or the canned music in a department store
But yet, there are the gentle words
Of a Christmas pageant,
"For unto us is born..."

I hear so much, yet I ponder now
In this season of Advent and preparation
How well I listen...am I tuned into the soul of a person?
For it is in listening with the ears of the heart than God moves me

For I can hear noises enveloping me
But when I listen, at this time
With intention, with purpose, with openness
I am more awake, and alive and alert to this world

To the cries of the hearts around
To the wanderings of my own soul
I know longer just hear sounds
But in listening with my heart
I am changed, I am moved, I am transformed

Because there is a place of brokenness and deep need
Where my listening and understanding are needed
To move to be Jesus' hands and feet and heart on earth
For the sounds aren't meant to be loud, clashing noise

But instead, hearts and souls working to reach out in love
Listening deeply to both deep joy and painful struggle
To learn to live with hands open, and feet willing to act
For by listening, there is a chance for harmony.

And by listening
We can welcome in a new way
The Prince of Peace
To change our hearts
And transform the world.

Emmanuel

God with us, Emmanuel,
Help me center in this time of Advent
Wait. Expect. Hope. Prepare.
The waiting has always been so hard
With a heart that needs to practice patience
But in the waiting, in the solace, I enter Holy Presence.

When I can put the busyness of thoughts
The distractions of readying the outside
And turn my thoughts to the inside
I begin to see what joyful expectation looks like.

I desire to be present with you
O God, who is always present with me
I desire to be faithful to you
O God, who is always faithful to me
I see the glow of the manager ahead
And I am content with this moment
This hopeful anticipation.

Help me to surrender all my cluttered thoughts
That dim the clear view of your light
That I wish for, hope for, long for
In this season of waiting, of preparing
Of examining my heart and seeing
What lies there that needs restoring

Be Still, My Soul
Let me really listen
Let me really hear
The joyful expressions
And the painful cries
That envelop strangers and friends
Because I know you present everywhere
In everyone

There are still, small voices
Whispers within that call me
Into this Holy Presence
This time of both mystery and wonder.

Let me hear. Let me listen.
Let me respond. Let me praise.

Prepare me for the journey to
the Prince of Peace.

APPROACHING ADVENT...

I wonder sometimes in my rush to get to the manger—

The joy of the most awesome gift ever given

If I miss all that the season of Advent brings

It’s not time for the gift yet – or the glory of it

In the rush to get all the outside preparations in order:

Gifts to buy, new recipes to make, decorations to hang

It causes me to ponder, to reflect on the way I approach Advent

Do I enter the throne of grace with a renewed, a restored heart?

Or do I allow the clutter of the season

The chaos of racing about and crossing everything off the list

Take first place to the deep soul work that is required

To receive God’s new mercies everyday

And I think that is the point: Am I ready to receive?

Am I making space on the inside?

Is this hunger inside me for the King of Kings,

The Prince of Peace, the Savior that I long for?

Or do all the worldly traps enamor me more?

It causes me to think deeply about God's call on my life.

In this season of waiting and preparing

Am I living in hopeful anticipation?

Am I living in generous, fervent love?

Am I living in joyful expectancy?

Am I practicing the promise of peace?

For the One that I long for is coming.

Am I ready to make room?

“In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God concerning you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Everyday Gratitude

I have wondered what living a life of gratitude looks like

I have strived, but I have stumbled and fallen, at times

I want to live so every breath is a gift back to God

For his mercies are new every morning

And want to live life in ways that screams out:

“Forget Not All His Benefits”

It is harder, to find the grateful center in your soul

When you are living through struggles or concerns

And yet, that is where I see God shine through

For it is in the darkness that the light seems to shine so brilliantly

Finding blessings in the storms

Is a gift I feel God has given so abundantly

At every turn in the road, every trial

I see clearly the abundant life God is giving in every moment

Being awake to God’s presence and listening for His voice

Learning like a baby taking it’s first steps to lean and trust

And to truly see every breath, every moment as a gift

Looking at God through eyes of faith

Means tasting the love of God in prayer and presence

And in the inner life finding such joyful surprises.

There are fruits that are blossoming and blooming

There are perspectives that are changing, lives being transformed

There is healing and wholeness

There are dreams that are rehaped and refreshed

And a chance to receive and accept and love what is here

Not what will be in the future

But the gifts of right here, right now.

Somehow God has changed within me gratitude—

Taken the act of not just the spontaneous “thank you” for a gift given

But an attitude of gratitude that is essential to life

Because I am wrapped in His faithfulness that never departs

That is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow

“Thou changest not thy compassions they fail not

Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto Thee.”

Pressing Forward

I can see now

I can look within

And no longer be startled

But what is alive within me

I can see the blemishes

And the mistakes

The choices and imperfection

And allow acceptance

For failing gives way to

Newness and fresh perspective

That I had not yet discovered

And it helps me to press forward

I am learning how to receive

As a blessing

To let walls and preconceptions

Not define me

But instead accept

And receive

Understand and persevere

I am evolving

In the way God has planned

It is not my timetable, but His

And every moment, experience, breath

All belongs to Him

No need to manipulate

The timetable

To insist on my way

Instead, embracing

The creation, the sustaining,

The life-changing and the ordinary

I see my humanness

And His perfection

My incompleteness

And His all-encompassing love

Even the unwelcome

Or unwanted circumstances

I can receive

For in the mystery, in the unknown

Is the God who never leaves

And is carefully knitting

The tapestry together

The ideal, the seamless

Always out of reach,

But what is authentic

What is true

Is revealed in the here and now,

In the ordinary, the everyday.

I do not wait for the

Flaws, the chips, the pieces

To be healed and whole

I just take one step at a time.

Pressing forward.

Learning. Growing.

Loving. Accepting.

Trusting.

Finally, trusting.

Parenting Teenagers: One Single Mom's Perspective

There is such blessing in the gift of being a single parent. And parenting teenagers has taught me so many things about life and myself.

A very wise friend who had journeyed through the experience earlier than I did, taught me so much and one of her deepest learnings was that in the teen years, it is much more about the parent changing, than the child. They are right where they are supposed to be. It's truly your response, your judgements, your perspectives that make the difference in managing through in a healthy way that leads to greater understanding.

Our life in these years has not been without chaos, trial, tears and triumphs. But isn't that life? The pushing, and pulling. The testing of my own faith and the development of theirs. Their doubts coming out loudly and ferociously sometimes, yet their faith forming quietly within them. Their testing of the rules, their testing of my heart, their testing of my devotion. I'm used to being questioned about my values now, because I understand their character is being formed. And it also gives a unique chance to rethink, retool, reevaluate many of my own life's lessons.

A friend of mine at work is one of the finest people I know. And as I learn and grow in my faith life, I realize that when the character of a person shines through, I am so drawn to see and relate and applaud and encourage. I'm in awe when I see a person who is so accomplished, yet who never once forgets to say thank you. As he has shared with me the joys of his life and his work, he has expressed over and over the greatest meaning in his life-- his incredible wife and beautiful daughters. And constantly I see him in awe of these precious children, really understanding how they change him, how their innocence and beauty cuts to his very heart and makes his life so worthwhile. And I know from our talks that he is so grateful to his parents. He told me once when I was struggling with the relationship my own children have with their father that he wanted be a good a father as his father had been to him. It made realize the foundation that was built in his family of his parents generosity of heart, had a great deal to do with who he is. And I was grateful to live in a family who also formed those important values in me. Foundation. Roots. Solid. Deep.

I try to remember that now when I'm moving closer to the wings, and further from the roots that the depths of the roots are already planted and have taken hold. I know the "wings" scare me a bit. I remember the journey of my own wings, finding my own way. And as I've already learned, nothing is perfect. My perfect dreams I hold for my sons, have already been changed. Not shattered, but changed. There are different paths and different choices, and in some ways that is a beautiful part about parenting. I have never longed for my children to be me. But longed for them to be the person they were created to be. And I have great faith that it will take time getting there, but that, with God's help, they'll get to where they need to be.

But sometimes, even now, I wish I could have put it all in a little box and tied it up with a beautiful bow. But the unraveling of a marriage, the new direction of our life, all of those things created darkness, yet allowed for the beauty of Christ's light to truly shine. The brokenness gave way to truly deep yearnings of my own soul and allowed a place for healing. The difficulty of being a single parent brought as much reward, as challenge. And in all of it, I cannot help but think who I would have been had the storms not come. Would I know as well as I do now the partner in my life, that of this awesome, loving, amazing, Comforter, Redeemer, Savior? Would I have known strength or courage in the same way? Would I have spent countless hours practicing baseball, examining countless ladybugs, becoming a pretty good fisherwoman? Possibly, but not in the same way. You see the struggle brought me to a halt, and it allowed me to reshuffle my priorities, to remember to live in the moment--to catch each tear, every smile, every opportunity to bake, wrestle, walk in the park, through new eyes. The depth I find even now, has something to do with the compassion because of the pain and suffering my family experienced. Truly, I do feel the Spirit's leading me to action more, I've opened my heart in way that amazes even me. So the "box" of our life has been remolded, reshaped, but in many ways restored.

I used to wish my life were different. I wished I had someone here, walking hand in hand with me on this journey. Until I realized, that is what I have. And the God that never leaves me, has blessed my life abundantly. So that even in the struggle of parenting now ... in the in-between place...of childhood and adulthood, I can surrender to the wings--for I want to see and experience the soaring that can occur--and I have great faith in the roots.

And I am reminded that that my life as a single Mom is a great and wonderful blessing.

⁶ "Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you." Deuteronomy 31.6 (The Message)

SAFE HARBOR

I love to visit a lighthouse
To see the surroundings
To look out over the water
Where once upon a time
Ships looked to the lighthouse
To find their way on the darkest of night.

I think about the light
That illumines from them
Not a trickle, or a glimmer
But brilliant, guiding light that shines
Not in a soft meek way, like candelight
But with boldness and shine and lustre

A beacon in a dark night
How I would love to play that role
To be the guiding light for all the vessels
Out rolling over the waves of the sea
Trying to find the beacon...
Finding their way to the safe harbor.

I know that is what I've found
This bright beacon that illuminates the night
That calls me home and directs my path
That leads me onward, always by its light.

Why am always looking for what I cannot find?
When the light is burning brightly, showing me the way
The light is calling my name -- I hear it, I see it
A beacon in the night cannot be mistaken.

The beacon that guides me finally
To the safe harbor.

Beacon of Light

I find there is not enough light

To illumine every place I step

To light the way on the path

That I need to follow.

But there is enough light

Just for this step

Just for this moment

To be left breathless

By God's working,

His awakening me in this way.

I think of a ship on the ocean

And the lighthouse brigtening the way

It is still dark, but ahead there is a glimmer

And then a glow, that seems to call them home

And now I see it everywhere

Because I am alive to it through the Spirit

That moves so deeply I am brimming with hope

For I know the ordinary gives way to extraordinary

A beacon of light shining

Within and lending the light to others

Just for this step, this moment

To be embraced, and changed

The light is like that

The darkness being left behind

The glimmer, the glow, the burning bright

Of the light that is hope

Butterfly with a Broken Wing

There was day that I found the most amazing butterfly

He had a broken wing and seemed a little bruised

But upon looking much more closely at his colors

Deep below, I found the most beautiful creature

The funny thing was, I think I had a battered wing, too

Wounded by a past of hurts too deep my colors had faded

But finding the butterfly, as if finding the perfect grain of sand

Was more of a gift than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams

Sometimes when you find something, even if for awhile

That seems to be given to you to help you fly again

No words can really express the brilliance of the moment

But you are aware that everything has a place and purpose

Finding the butterfly and being found by the wounded butterfly

Brought deep joy and remembrance of the preciousness of beginnings

Of stories shared, like a meeting of souls and a chance to dream again

But butterflies don't always stay, they are meant to fly

And the butterfly with the broken wing and this butterfly knew

The time would come and even if they soared in separate directions

The gift of finding each other and letting go were equally beautiful

Because there was a love within the seeking, the finding

And of the fluttering and the healing of the wings

That brought them together, but then let them be set free

To always know they were richer, better for the journey

And the broken wings could mend, even if worn

Because love was the center and courage was the release

And it left each of them with brighter colors within

And always when I soar, I can smile and know

Setting the butterfly of each of us free

Also allowed dreams to soar to the heavens

And souls to be changed forever

And be deeply reminded that love still matters.

The promise of new life in the butterfly

Still makes me smile.

Living Hope

The scent of the fresh spring day lingers
On the eve of Easter morning
I breathe in deeply and I remember
Communion
Betrayal
Denial
Sacrifice
Love
Empty Tomb


Journey to the cross
Lamb of God
Takes away sins of the world
My sin. And yours.
How have I pierced His side?
How does He forgive my indifference?
How do I betray? Deny? Judge?
I am humbled.


Unfathomable love.
Unconditional forgiveness.
Unquestionable grace.
Unbelievable hope.


Your love, so gentle and constant.
This act so selfless and complete.
Yet I look within at how I still hold back
You nudge, you whisper, you wait
Yet in the light of the Ressurection
Everything changes.


Remove what is old and dead in me
Enter my life boldly and in a fresh way
Melt away all that belongs to the past
And make me new in you...striving for the dawn
Leaving the darkness and shadows behind


Just as you called Mary at the tomb
You call my name. You call each one.
Death is overcome. Hope is alive.
How will I practice ressurection?

Parenting Teenagers: A Single Mother's Perspective

There is such blessing in the gift of being a single parent. And parenting teenagers has taught me so many things about life and myself.

A very wise friend who had journeyed through the experience earlier than I did, taught me so much and one of her deepest learnings was that in the teen years, it is much more about the parent changing, than the child. They are right where they are supposed to be. It's truly your response, your judgements, your perspectives that make the difference in managing through in a healthy way that leads to greater understanding.

Our life in these years has not been without chaos, trial, tears and triumphs. But isn't that life? The pushing, and pulling. The testing of my own faith and the development of theirs. Their doubts coming out loudly and ferociously sometimes, yet their faith forming quietly within them. Their testing of the rules, their testing of my heart, their testing of my devotion. I'm used to being questioned about my values now, because I understand their character is being formed. And it also gives a unique chance to rethink, retool, reevaluate many of my own life's lessons.

A friend of mine at work is one of the finest people I know. And as I learn and grow in my faith life, I realize that when the character of a person shines through, I am so drawn to see and relate and applaud and encourage. I'm in awe when I see a person who is so accomplished, yet who never once forgets to say thank you. As he has shared with me the joys of his life and his work, he has expressed over and over the greatest meaning in his life-- his incredible wife and beautiful daughters. And constantly I see him in awe of these precious children, really understanding how they change him, how their innocence and beauty cuts to his very heart and makes his life so worthwhile. And I know from our talks that he is so grateful to his parents. He told me once when I was struggling with the relationship my own children have with their father that he wanted be a good a father as his father had been to him. It made realize the foundation that was built in his family of his parents generosity of heart, had a great deal to do with who he is. And I was grateful to live in a family who also formed those important values in me. Foundation. Roots. Solid. Deep.

I try to remember that now when I'm moving closer to the wings, and further from the roots that the depths of the roots are already planted and have taken hold. I know the "wings" scare me a bit. I remember the journey of my own wings, finding my own way. And as I've already learned, nothing is perfect. My perfect dreams I hold for my sons, have already been changed. Not shattered, but changed. There are different paths and different choices, and in some ways that is a beautiful part about parenting. I have never longed for my children to be me. But longed for them to be the person they were created to be. And I have great faith that it will take time getting there, but that, with God's help, they'll get to where they need to be.

But sometimes, even now, I wish I could have put it all in a little box and tied it up with a beautiful bow. But the unraveling of a marriage, the new direction of our life, all of those things created darkness, yet allowed for the beauty of Christ's light to truly shine. The brokenness gave way to truly deep yearnings of my own soul and allowed a place for healing. The difficulty of being a single parent brought as much reward, as challenge. And in all of it, I cannot help but think who I would have been had the storms not come. Would I know as well as I do now the partner in my life, that of this awesome, loving, amazing, Comforter, Redeemer, Savior? Would I have known strength or courage in the same way? Would I have spent countless hours practicing baseball, examining countless ladybugs, becoming a pretty good fisherwoman? Possibly, but not in the same way. You see the struggle brought me to a halt, and it allowed me to reshuffle my priorities, to remember to live in the moment--to catch each tear, every smile, every opportunity to bake, wrestle, walk in the park, through new eyes. The depth I find even now, has something to do with the compassion because of the pain and suffering my family experienced. Truly, I do feel the Spirit's leading me to action more, I've opened my heart in way that amazes even me. So the "box" of our life has been remolded, reshaped, but in many ways restored.

I used to wish my life were different. I wished I had someone here, walking hand in hand with me on this journey. Until I realized, that is what I have. And the God that never leaves me, has blessed my life abundantly. So that even in the struggle of parenting now ... in the in-between place...of childhood and adulthood, I can surrender to the wings--for I want to see and experience the soaring that can occur--and I have great faith in the roots.

And I am reminded that that my life as a single Mom is a great and wonderful blessing.

⁶ "Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you." Deuteronomy 31.6 (The Message)

From Winter to Spring

I wonder in these last wanderings through Lent

As winter turns into spring

And Lent leads to ressurrection

If my heart is ready....

Have I uncovered enough of what my soul contains?

Or is there hurt lingering or anger masked over

Have I opened the wound to reveal the source--

And have I allowed healing instead of a heaping portion of bitterness?

Have I been able to look at my neighbor with new eyes

Do I see the pain that lingers there or do I make judgements--

So that my own guilt can be pushed down and not rear its ugly head

In my own wildnerness time, have I looked plainly and clearly in the mirror?

Uncovering takes courage, but yields new life

Unearthing is hard work but reveals

The depth of the rich soil at the roots

And allows for the new to spring forth vividly

I realize all my best intentions fall short

When don't surrender all my guilt and shame--

When I don't allow the transformation to occur

For I am washed clean by the blood of Christ

I recognize those blossoms and it is a sure sign of hope

Leaving winter behind and surging toward spring

Surrendering all to be changed by the wilderness journey

And walking toward the Cross of Calvary

Broken to Beautiful

A friend asked me recently

How I made sense of the losses in life

And not to lose faith in spite of them

And I prayed for the discernment to know...

But I'm at the point of my life where I know

That losses bring about just as much depth

And understanding as love and joy

For it is in the letting go that I've discovered

The true sense of myself and where I belong.

For God has taken all the pieces of me...

Sorrows as well as joys, heartache as well as triumphs

And woven them together...just as He knit me together in Creation

So that my life's story could be told and could bring Glory to Him

For losses and griefs may seem overwhelming at times

But they give me a deeper sense of who I am at the core of my soul

And they give me an amazing hope when I realize, once again

That all that is broken--all the wounds, loss and pain--

Have been healed to reveal something deeper, richer, fuller

All that is broken is made beautiful.

For with a heart of faith, there is a glimmering hope that shines

For the gift of learning finally how to let go of what does not belong

And the gift of clinging to the One I do belong to -- completely, wholly

Shows me that all the pieces of brokenness that once were scattered

Are just clinks in the armor of love--wounds that have been restored,

Lessons learned, and faith deepened to overflowing to the God who is my refuge

And strength, the One who already knowsHis plans for me

Who doesn't view me as broken, but as His beautiful Child

The One who satisfies the desires of my heart

The One who forgives the crimson of my guilty stains

The One who has taught me I am no longer unworthy

But a masterpiece He created to be used for His glory.

The One who turns broken into beautiful.

Lenten Journey

Loosening my grip, releasing

What is not mine anyway

The shadows and mystery begin

Lent quietly enters

On the the journey to the cross.

I can no longer find myself unworthy

For with You, I find myself completely loved

The vivid colors of the gift of life You created

And I cannot deny your precious grace

So in awe of the rythms of life that point to You

When I am open and attentive and responsive

That you weave, bit by bit into the flow of this soul

With understanding and compassion that changes me.

You tenderly call me into your embrace

Whispering, at first, and revealing your presence--

Sometimes as gently as a shooting star in the sky,

Or as boldly as the rough waves crashing in the middle of a storm

At times, in the most ordinary, everyday manner

But other times, in unsual, surprising, even asotnishing ways

Opening the dimness in my vision and uncovering what I don't hear clearly

Drawing me ever closer into the the love story that leads to the cross

But does end there.

Beyond the cross to the empty tomb

And the undeniable hope that you wrap me in

Trusting and following the Faithful One

Into the mystery of your holy sanctuary

Of your extravagant and enduring love.

On Snowy Days Like These

On snowy days like these

My mind wanders back to my childhood

Of the farm I grew up on and the extensive landscape

A blanket snow falling onto the field beyond the farm

The woods surrounding seeming to call us

For a sled riding adventure or snow fort making

But it was then I realized the gift of snow

Standing in the woods, beyond the laughs and glee

The quietness, the silence, the solace of it all

Snow falling gently or crunching beneath my feet

I love when I am called into the silence

Where I see and hear and feel

Such simple and pure gifts

That point me to the Creator

I am reminded that the busyness of life envelops me sometimes

I go too fast towards things that do not matter,

Instead of enjoying the glimpes, tasting the Living Water

Hearing someone's cry, choosing the light

And I realize I don't want miss the most precious moments

Of a touch, or a smile, or the light in someone's eyes

And somehow this moment reminds of that

Of all I can miss is I don't pay attention

Now, I go out my own door and there is

The smallest patch of woods beyond our front door

And I am called there again, with the beauty of the snowy day

So delicately laced on the bushes and trees

I walk to the center and look up

Remembering the joy of those first snowy days

The pure white, untouched, innocence in the landscape

The whisper of wind that I am sure is calling my name

Here, in this moment, I am so aware, so awakened

I remember and embrace the gift

The glory of the grace that surrounds

And I am so grateful.