Broken to Beautiful

A friend asked me recently

How I made sense of the losses in life

And not to lose faith in spite of them

And I prayed for the discernment to know...

But I'm at the point of my life where I know

That losses bring about just as much depth

And understanding as love and joy

For it is in the letting go that I've discovered

The true sense of myself and where I belong.

For God has taken all the pieces of me...

Sorrows as well as joys, heartache as well as triumphs

And woven them together...just as He knit me together in Creation

So that my life's story could be told and could bring Glory to Him

For losses and griefs may seem overwhelming at times

But they give me a deeper sense of who I am at the core of my soul

And they give me an amazing hope when I realize, once again

That all that is broken--all the wounds, loss and pain--

Have been healed to reveal something deeper, richer, fuller

All that is broken is made beautiful.

For with a heart of faith, there is a glimmering hope that shines

For the gift of learning finally how to let go of what does not belong

And the gift of clinging to the One I do belong to -- completely, wholly

Shows me that all the pieces of brokenness that once were scattered

Are just clinks in the armor of love--wounds that have been restored,

Lessons learned, and faith deepened to overflowing to the God who is my refuge

And strength, the One who already knowsHis plans for me

Who doesn't view me as broken, but as His beautiful Child

The One who satisfies the desires of my heart

The One who forgives the crimson of my guilty stains

The One who has taught me I am no longer unworthy

But a masterpiece He created to be used for His glory.

The One who turns broken into beautiful.

Lenten Journey

Loosening my grip, releasing

What is not mine anyway

The shadows and mystery begin

Lent quietly enters

On the the journey to the cross.

I can no longer find myself unworthy

For with You, I find myself completely loved

The vivid colors of the gift of life You created

And I cannot deny your precious grace

So in awe of the rythms of life that point to You

When I am open and attentive and responsive

That you weave, bit by bit into the flow of this soul

With understanding and compassion that changes me.

You tenderly call me into your embrace

Whispering, at first, and revealing your presence--

Sometimes as gently as a shooting star in the sky,

Or as boldly as the rough waves crashing in the middle of a storm

At times, in the most ordinary, everyday manner

But other times, in unsual, surprising, even asotnishing ways

Opening the dimness in my vision and uncovering what I don't hear clearly

Drawing me ever closer into the the love story that leads to the cross

But does end there.

Beyond the cross to the empty tomb

And the undeniable hope that you wrap me in

Trusting and following the Faithful One

Into the mystery of your holy sanctuary

Of your extravagant and enduring love.

On Snowy Days Like These

On snowy days like these

My mind wanders back to my childhood

Of the farm I grew up on and the extensive landscape

A blanket snow falling onto the field beyond the farm

The woods surrounding seeming to call us

For a sled riding adventure or snow fort making

But it was then I realized the gift of snow

Standing in the woods, beyond the laughs and glee

The quietness, the silence, the solace of it all

Snow falling gently or crunching beneath my feet

I love when I am called into the silence

Where I see and hear and feel

Such simple and pure gifts

That point me to the Creator

I am reminded that the busyness of life envelops me sometimes

I go too fast towards things that do not matter,

Instead of enjoying the glimpes, tasting the Living Water

Hearing someone's cry, choosing the light

And I realize I don't want miss the most precious moments

Of a touch, or a smile, or the light in someone's eyes

And somehow this moment reminds of that

Of all I can miss is I don't pay attention

Now, I go out my own door and there is

The smallest patch of woods beyond our front door

And I am called there again, with the beauty of the snowy day

So delicately laced on the bushes and trees

I walk to the center and look up

Remembering the joy of those first snowy days

The pure white, untouched, innocence in the landscape

The whisper of wind that I am sure is calling my name

Here, in this moment, I am so aware, so awakened

I remember and embrace the gift

The glory of the grace that surrounds

And I am so grateful.

Seeking a Sign

I've been thinking about light in the darkness. I've been experiencing light in the darkness. I think really I was looking for a sign...like the star in the sky that led the Wise Men to find the Baby Jesus. This Christmas season, I was looking for a sign of peace.

I don't know if it's because I have experienced darkness, that maybe I'm more attuned now to finding the light. It might be just a glimmer, a soft glow, a subtle spark, or a bright illuminating light--but all the forms of light shine in the darkness. And I seem to expect the light now. The hope the light signifies. The peace the light brings. Whatever it is, I'm grateful for finding the light, for God opening my eyes to accepting the light.

These last weeks have been filled with unrest for our family, as a loved one faced a serious condition, a fragile procedure, but then a joyous outcome. Last week I heard difficult news from a doctor, And I learned of a tough circumstance at work. Several friends unburdened their hearts of broken relationships and unexpected, even shocking news. Yes, this week I was reminded just how I much I need the Savior that has come.

I remember in the past going through valleys and pain where all I could see was the dark, the night. But now I am leaning and trusting and knowing implicitly that God is alive in the world, in the universe, in my friend's pain, my family's worry.

The thing I realize very clearly as I grow ever deeper in my faith is the eloquence in which God speaks into our lives. Sometimes just a glimmer, sometimes a blinding light. Sometimes the softest whispers in the wind, sometimes a loud proclaiming voice. Sometimes in the touch of a friend, sometimes in the sparkle of my sister's eye. Sometimes in the release of tears, sometimes in the cries of prayers.

I feel the movements in my life of God so deeply. I feel Him showing me ways to make the spaces that He desires to fill. I am aware of Him helping me shed the old skins of shame, guilt, unforgiveness, busyness and doubts and fear.

So with the new year right around the corner, I am reminded of the new creation God is making in me daily. I am reminded to put of the old away and surrender all to Him as He creates all that is new. I'm reminded to look for the light daily. I'm encouraged to stay open. To truly listen for my life. Sometimes I just want to whole already, free from sin and the things that hold me.

But the manger this year has renewed my heart and mind to remember it is a journey. I'm on the path striving and reaching and desiring a life that only Christ can give. Hope surrounds. Joy seeps in. Love in born. Light illuminates.

I am looking for the signs. And I am finding them everywhere.

"Here's another way to put it: you're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I have put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand--Shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in Heaven." (Matt 5:15-17 The Message)

Light in the Darkness

Light pierces the darkness

And nothing is the same

A babe has been born

In the humblest of ways

And He is our Savior.

Into the dark the light shines and shows us the way.

In the midst of a dark, dark world

Both 2000 years ago and today

Both out in the world

And in our own backyards

Hope has come.

In the past few years our family

Has experienced a life-threatening condition,

Disease, serious surgery, loss of loved ones,

A soldier going to war and other difficult moments.

We look at the tapestry of our lives woven together

With all those we love--with the challenges, pain, love and joy.

And I suppose there are choices to make:

Despair. Or hope.

Hate. Or love.

Resentment. Or forgiveness.

Chaos. Or peace.

Darkness. Or light.

No matter our circumstance, though, the light has come.

And that light -- the true light -- changes everything.

He calls from the darkness to be His light-bearers in the world.

Radiating His light in every way possible, so everyone will know

Emmanel, God with us.

Making Space

"In the same manner in which we clean and prepare our homes in the anticipation of welcomed guests and family members this Christmas season, let us also prepare our hearts in anticipation of the Lord coming. Christ, our most honored and eagerly anticipated guest, desires to meet with us in a heart prepared for his arrival. So eager is he to meet with us that he offers to help us with our spiritual housecleaning, working with us; creating a resting place for Himself within our hearts." --Katherine Walden, I Lift My Eyes Ministries

I've been thinking so much in Advent about making space, making room for Jesus in a new way into my heart. Someone I was discussing this with asked me, "But don't you have it figured out? You've been a Christian for a long time. Don't you just do the same thing every Advent?" The question haunted me.

Of course we all have traditions in our communities, churches and homes that are part of the beauty and wonder of the Christmas season. But the seasons of Advent and also of Lent are so meaningful to me in my Christian life I the way I prepare my heart. I think from the time I was a little girl and we lit the Advent wreath, read scripture and prayed, I knew it was a very special time. Looking back now I see the reverence of the moment, the quiet space we created to worship. As I grew in my faith I realized, for me, I found that finding God in the silence to renew my soul, to gain greater perspective, to experience Advent in a new way became an important part of my faith life.

I think the yearning in my heart to receive Jesus in a new way is a refreshing thought. But the yearning doesn't mean much if there is no action attached. As I experience Advent fully, I think deeply about the journey...not just the destination. I love the thought of reflecting, preparing, expecting, anticipating the joy of the greatest gift ever given...yet again. Because I'm not who I was even last year on my faith journey. The joys and challenges of each year bring greater depth in my faith walk and I am so grateful, to approach this season with new eyes of faith.

My boys and I recently moved to a new home and we had some trouble finding a space that seemed right for our Christmas tree. We talked through moving furniture, squeezing it in a tiny place, what size it should be to fit. Finally, we decided, even if it looked strange, we wanted it in front of the balcony doors so its light could illuminate into the night. I wondered if we had been talking about the Christmas tree, or the need for something else--the need to let light within each of us shine in a different, new way. So that perspective helped me to look everywhere for light.

I've been noticing more about about space as I thought of this topic during Advent. As I took a walk in the park on a cold December morning, I felt alive with all the space God has created in the woods, in each plant that has broken forth from the earth, in the majestic arms of branches of the oaks, in the rapidly flowing stream and in the vastness of the sky. I thought of a mind's eye photo in my memory of walking up from the creek on our farm and seeing the entire meadow covered with glistening snow and the sun setting so brilliantly. All the space He has made for us to live, and move and have our being. And now I ponder the way I can make space in my own life.

Am I so caught up in the preparations of a meal, for instance, that I hurry along my son as he tells me about his day? Or, am I willing to stop, to listen to even what he is not saying? Do I notice the glimmer in the eyes of the children at a recent community choir concert? Do I see their innocence, their delight? Do I take the time to sit with a friend in need and offer encouragement, instead of rushing out to buy the final presents. Am I learning to listen--both to the movements of God in my own life and to the very deep soul-talk of others? Have I learned to be alone and treasure my time with God in the Word, in prayer, in meditation? Am I ready to leave old habits behind, and move forward as God draws me? Am I willing to wait patiently when I don't have a answer, or the answer is "not yet"? And am I willing to strip away my own masks to reveal the authentic, nicked up, wounded, but ever healing soul that resides in me. And am I willing to open my heart fully, instead of hiding away?

When I think about making space this Advent season, what am I making room for? And I know the answer. I'm constantly called to make room for love. For God's love. For the greatest gift of love ever. It means entering spaces I might not have dared to go before, but with this knowledge that God shines so brightly.

We just need to begin making spaces, I think. And to never stop. Reflecting, then carving out those places in our lives that need more of Him. Those spaces are everywhere. Making space feels very much like finding ourselves loved. And in that space, there is a light shining...as we make our way to Bethlehem.

Preparing

Come into view...into being

Advent arrives

In the seeking, the preparing, the waiting

Here I am anxious to go full throttle

Into the Christmas season with all its excitement

Already almost too busy to notice the reality I need most:

The time of waiting, of expecting, of hoping is necessary

Sometimes so encumbered by the "doing", I forget the "being"

Lists to make, gifts to buy, decorations to hang, friends to gather

But instead the still, small voice whispers, stirring in my heart

Until I stop, look and listen...I cannot possibly accept the gift

Be Still My Soul! Slow me down, to see and hear and respond

Prepare my heart, unchain all that holds me from seeing with eyes of faith

My Spirit needs to welcome a Savior

I want to journey to the manger, to Bethlehem, to the miracle

Let me accept your solace, Your peace

Give me joy in the smallest wonder

Waiting and seeking

Expecting and hoping

Anticipating and accepting

When I am expecting and hoping

Prepare Me.