Encircled

I am encircled with just the glimmer of the early morning light

As I push back the curtains and see the hue of the sunlight stream

For mostly it is still dark, even the stars still twinkle in a shadowy sky

I am encircled in the still-dark of the morning

As if an invitation of the new day, an offering to draw me in

I enter the quiet. Bathe in it. Listen to it. Embrace the solace.

Encircled and called to let go over everything, everyone

But One. The Holy One. Called into Holy Presence in this moment.

Somehow in this silence, this stillness, I sense the harmony of grace

Discord and dissonance does not play into the melody at all

I sense I am touching the sacredness and character of God

And my soul softens as I encounter the One who never leaves.

For it is not just on the mountaintop, with joyful triumph

But in these ordinary, quiet, tranquil moments that you call me

Let me listen. Let me respond to the whispers deep in my soul.

Come. Encircle. Encounter. Transform.

SAFE HARBOR

I love to visit a lighthouse
To see the surroundings
To look out over the water
Where once upon a time
Ships looked to the lighthouse
To find their way on the darkest of night.

I think about the light
That illumines from them
Not a trickle, or a glimmer
But brilliant, guiding light that shines
Not in a soft meek way, like candelight
But with boldness and shine and lustre

A beacon in a dark night
How I would love to play that role
To be the guiding light for all the vessels
Out rolling over the waves of the sea
Trying to find the beacon...
Finding their way to the safe harbor.

I know that is what I've found
This bright beacon that illuminates the night
That calls me home and directs my path
That leads me onward, always by its light.

Why am always looking for what I cannot find?
When the light is burning brightly, showing me the way
The light is calling my name -- I hear it, I see it
A beacon in the night cannot be mistaken.

The beacon that guides me finally
To the safe harbor.

Beacon of Light

I find there is not enough light

To illumine every place I step

To light the way on the path

That I need to follow.

But there is enough light

Just for this step

Just for this moment

To be left breathless

By God's working,

His awakening me in this way.

I think of a ship on the ocean

And the lighthouse brigtening the way

It is still dark, but ahead there is a glimmer

And then a glow, that seems to call them home

And now I see it everywhere

Because I am alive to it through the Spirit

That moves so deeply I am brimming with hope

For I know the ordinary gives way to extraordinary

A beacon of light shining

Within and lending the light to others

Just for this step, this moment

To be embraced, and changed

The light is like that

The darkness being left behind

The glimmer, the glow, the burning bright

Of the light that is hope

From Winter to Spring

I wonder in these last wanderings through Lent

As winter turns into spring

And Lent leads to ressurrection

If my heart is ready....

Have I uncovered enough of what my soul contains?

Or is there hurt lingering or anger masked over

Have I opened the wound to reveal the source--

And have I allowed healing instead of a heaping portion of bitterness?

Have I been able to look at my neighbor with new eyes

Do I see the pain that lingers there or do I make judgements--

So that my own guilt can be pushed down and not rear its ugly head

In my own wildnerness time, have I looked plainly and clearly in the mirror?

Uncovering takes courage, but yields new life

Unearthing is hard work but reveals

The depth of the rich soil at the roots

And allows for the new to spring forth vividly

I realize all my best intentions fall short

When don't surrender all my guilt and shame--

When I don't allow the transformation to occur

For I am washed clean by the blood of Christ

I recognize those blossoms and it is a sure sign of hope

Leaving winter behind and surging toward spring

Surrendering all to be changed by the wilderness journey

And walking toward the Cross of Calvary

Broken to Beautiful

A friend asked me recently

How I made sense of the losses in life

And not to lose faith in spite of them

And I prayed for the discernment to know...

But I'm at the point of my life where I know

That losses bring about just as much depth

And understanding as love and joy

For it is in the letting go that I've discovered

The true sense of myself and where I belong.

For God has taken all the pieces of me...

Sorrows as well as joys, heartache as well as triumphs

And woven them together...just as He knit me together in Creation

So that my life's story could be told and could bring Glory to Him

For losses and griefs may seem overwhelming at times

But they give me a deeper sense of who I am at the core of my soul

And they give me an amazing hope when I realize, once again

That all that is broken--all the wounds, loss and pain--

Have been healed to reveal something deeper, richer, fuller

All that is broken is made beautiful.

For with a heart of faith, there is a glimmering hope that shines

For the gift of learning finally how to let go of what does not belong

And the gift of clinging to the One I do belong to -- completely, wholly

Shows me that all the pieces of brokenness that once were scattered

Are just clinks in the armor of love--wounds that have been restored,

Lessons learned, and faith deepened to overflowing to the God who is my refuge

And strength, the One who already knowsHis plans for me

Who doesn't view me as broken, but as His beautiful Child

The One who satisfies the desires of my heart

The One who forgives the crimson of my guilty stains

The One who has taught me I am no longer unworthy

But a masterpiece He created to be used for His glory.

The One who turns broken into beautiful.

Seeking a Sign

I've been thinking about light in the darkness. I've been experiencing light in the darkness. I think really I was looking for a sign...like the star in the sky that led the Wise Men to find the Baby Jesus. This Christmas season, I was looking for a sign of peace.

I don't know if it's because I have experienced darkness, that maybe I'm more attuned now to finding the light. It might be just a glimmer, a soft glow, a subtle spark, or a bright illuminating light--but all the forms of light shine in the darkness. And I seem to expect the light now. The hope the light signifies. The peace the light brings. Whatever it is, I'm grateful for finding the light, for God opening my eyes to accepting the light.

These last weeks have been filled with unrest for our family, as a loved one faced a serious condition, a fragile procedure, but then a joyous outcome. Last week I heard difficult news from a doctor, And I learned of a tough circumstance at work. Several friends unburdened their hearts of broken relationships and unexpected, even shocking news. Yes, this week I was reminded just how I much I need the Savior that has come.

I remember in the past going through valleys and pain where all I could see was the dark, the night. But now I am leaning and trusting and knowing implicitly that God is alive in the world, in the universe, in my friend's pain, my family's worry.

The thing I realize very clearly as I grow ever deeper in my faith is the eloquence in which God speaks into our lives. Sometimes just a glimmer, sometimes a blinding light. Sometimes the softest whispers in the wind, sometimes a loud proclaiming voice. Sometimes in the touch of a friend, sometimes in the sparkle of my sister's eye. Sometimes in the release of tears, sometimes in the cries of prayers.

I feel the movements in my life of God so deeply. I feel Him showing me ways to make the spaces that He desires to fill. I am aware of Him helping me shed the old skins of shame, guilt, unforgiveness, busyness and doubts and fear.

So with the new year right around the corner, I am reminded of the new creation God is making in me daily. I am reminded to put of the old away and surrender all to Him as He creates all that is new. I'm reminded to look for the light daily. I'm encouraged to stay open. To truly listen for my life. Sometimes I just want to whole already, free from sin and the things that hold me.

But the manger this year has renewed my heart and mind to remember it is a journey. I'm on the path striving and reaching and desiring a life that only Christ can give. Hope surrounds. Joy seeps in. Love in born. Light illuminates.

I am looking for the signs. And I am finding them everywhere.

"Here's another way to put it: you're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I have put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand--Shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in Heaven." (Matt 5:15-17 The Message)

Comfort In Sorrow

Sometimes sorrow comes in a slow deliberate wave.  You see it coming on the horizon.  There are signs that the sorrow is approaching.  And sometimes sorrow comes like a quick lightning bolt, with intensity so strong, it knocks you of your feet.  Either way sorrow is part of our life.  And so a part of our life in Christ.  Recently, sorrow came in the strong, striking way.  When the sorrow is so deep, it seems it is too much for the soul to carry.

When this sorrow was experienced this week, it created devastation and so many questions.  I spent many hours with my sons--crying with them, praying with them, trying to make sense of pain and sorrow that had come to the life of someone they cared about.  Within the hours of weeping and talking and working through the pain, we talked of doubts of faith.  We talked about assurances of my own faith and questions we all face.  I was sure in that moment that even though there times of questioning, that doubts were only bringing us closer to the throne of grace.  Sometimes in the depth of sorrow, in the questions, in the emptiness, the encounter with God is so powerful.  God is big enough for our questions, and comes alongside us in our sorrow.  At the end of a difficult night, what we each knew as we prayed is that God was present.  And that He never leaves.  What great comfort there is in that knowledge!

When it feels like no one understands, we can run to a God with arms wide open, aching for our sorrow and longing to comfort and heal our hearts that belong to Him.  

 In Isaiah 61: 1-2:  

"The Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom to the captives, and release from darkness for the prisoners."   Healer of broken hearts, broken lives, light of the darkness. And as we make our way to the pouring rain at the foot of His cross, we see the agony Jesus suffered.  We know that we knows our pain and our sorrow.  The nails in His hands and feet, thorns piercing His brow, wounds in His side and separation from His father.  When you realize all he sacrified to save our lives, the healing can begin.  I can trust the one who loved enough to die for me. Sometimes the sorrow that envelops our hearts is so deep, that it is hard fathom.  But then I remember the cross and what He suffered there for me.   And I know that I am never left alone.

Fortitude

“There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!” Romans 5:3-5 (The Message)

I attended a women’s retreat a couple years ago. It was a great day of fellowship and renewal. As part of the devotional time, the pastor led us on guided mediations. She had us pick a word from a basket and to meditate on that word for our ministry and our lives. We thought about if it was a word that could lead us or a word we needed to let go.

As I looked at the word, I just smiled. I’m always amazed that rainbow of ways God reveals Himself to me. The word was FORTITUDE. “How appropriate,” I thought. I had just been let go from my company in downsizing after 22 years of service. The grief and anxiety of that time was pretty stressful. Being the single parent of two teenaged sons in that situation, added some concern.

But as I thought about the word and about my faith and about how extraordinary all of the journeys of our lives are, I felt peace. This scripture from Romans came rushing back to me. A friend had read the scripture to me on the day of my divorce. Some other well-meaning friends had congratulated me on that day that I was “free”, and I felt anything but free. I felt such grief and pain. So when my friend recited this scripture to me, it really became a mantra for my life and faith.

I looked up the word fortitude. It means: strength of mind that allows one to endure pain or adversity with courage; perseverance. God used the moment to bring me around the bend. I had already experienced loss and grief, but as the words of this scripture sunk deeply into my soul again, I just felt God’s presence. I felt His nudge to rest in Him.

The thing is, through many storms and difficulties I’ve walked through, I am grateful for fortitude. But I wasn’t born with it. It was given to me as a gift from a loving heavenly Father. I can look at all those times and recognize that those dark times have brought new undertaking, new growth and a strength I’ve never known.

I am not the same Christian I was when I first began my walk. I’m grateful I already had a foundation of faith. But what I find beautiful is that the roots of faith are deeper now. I walk with a risen Christ who never leaves me and who I love and trust deeply.

There are days as a single parent I still fall into bed in tears—wondering how I can balance all the pressures I feel. I wonder, at times, if I have given enough of a foundation to my kids so they’ll make the choice to love God with all their hearts. The list for all of us goes on and on—balancing family, church, home, work. But fortitude in my faith-life has taught me that God is my center. It is when I center my heart and my mind on Him and surrender totally, I experience the gift of being made a new creation each day.

So through the trials and even through the joys and every ordinary moment in between God is indeed developing passionate patience, perseverance, fortitude and a strength that can only come from this God who loves us deeply.

And, my friends, I find such comfort knowing I worship this endlessly loving God who never, ever, no matter what, leaves us.

The Unmasking of a Soul

It was the season of restlessness in my soul. Yet I hadn’t given much thought to soul talk, or soul work for so long. But in the pain and chaos of circumstances of my life, I had to make choices. I know now, it was God gently whispering, nudging me awake.

Hidden away, I felt so unknown to anyone. I wanted to scream: Who am I really? A young mother with much to learn ahead, a hard worker, a good daughter, a faithful wife, a loving sister, a loyal friend, a child of God (last on the list, you notice). And, as a woman, so aware of all the hats I must wear in this world—especially now that many things were on my shoulders. It wasn’t the roles were before me, it was masks that I was wearing that were perplexing and mystifying.

As if a child at a Halloween party trying on every mask to see what I fit, I had chosen the “I have everything under control” and “I will please all people no matter the cost” masks. But it was early on as a single Mom that God shook me wide awake urging me to become my authentic self. During this time I began to really seek God with my whole heart—probably as a natural part of my healing but of my sense to go deeper and to find my true purpose.

Nurturing came naturally, so I began to be more concerned about caring for others and less about addressing my own needs. Yet my soul was dry and thirsty. Covering up fear of rejection, betrayal, abandonment, doubt, fear by being all and doing all to seek others’ approval wasn’t working so well. I was burned out. The “everything is OK, see I’m doing great and can handle it all” smile may have fooled some. But I knew as I drew closer to God that He saw the real me. I didn’t know how to ask for help and I thought I’d seem a failure to others if I did. I was losing myself, or at least my soul, by hiding myself in the shadows instead of living my life fully and genuinely.

Fear was at the root of continuing to wear these unflattering masks that began to make me less than I was created to be. Peeling back the layers of those masks was hard work. I had worn them for so long. But slowly I began to give up on the unreasonable patterns of not measuring up (in my own mind). I was enamored with the temporal, instead of the eternal. Perfection was what I strived for and wondered why I could never measure up. Was I serious? Even with the brokenness of a divided family, I still wanted to look sparkling—inside an out. I wanted to cover up my flaws. This kind of thought pattern was crushing me. Wounds just grew deeper. I felt the canyon between God and I. Choosing masks to please others instead of living a God-pleasing life.

It was like playing dress-up as a child. Putting on a whole new persona and becoming someone I was never meant to be. It was a pretend life. Instead of choosing to allow my real, true, authentic nature show, I was living under false pretense and veil of a facade.

That is when I cried out to God wondering who I was, who I was supposed to be, who I’d become. Who was I at the core of my being? I thought about the fear that held me and I opened my Bible to this verse: So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. (I John 4:16,18). Imagine that, no fear in love!

As I prayed, I found God saying in many different ways to me: You are called to be who you were created to be. I knew that meant first being a Child of God. That’s where I started and that was the journey that took me beyond busyness and approval seeking, poor self-image and past wounds to the God that loves me.

You see, it was the discovery that the Good Girl within me—the girl who made everyone happy, spoke when spoken to, took the path of least resistance, often stuffed down her own true feelings and never, never colored outside the lines—just had to go. Delving deep into God’s love gave me the opportunity—the gift—of being loved just as I was. God brought me through pain to a season of my life where He was revealing Himself to me and myself to me. The journey was the first part of finding myself loved completely by the God that shaped me.

That breakthrough has stayed with me and though twists and turns abound, God continues in this unearthing of love – changing and growing me beyond what I could have imagined.
Psalm 139 is one of my favorites and sometimes when I want to put a mask back on for approval of others, I pray now about what it is God desires of me. And I recite this as memory of who I am in Christ: For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth. (Psalm 139:13-15). And He helps me put the mask aside and look to Him.

I’m pretty sure being loved by and loving God is what finally taught me to take leaps of faith, risk opening my heart again and having the courage to living the life for which I was created.

Unmasking the soul to reveal and unveil your real life--your true self--is highly recommended. And anyway-- drawing outside the lines is great fun!

Hope Abounds

Last night at the Single Moms group that I'm part of we were discussing the book "Self Talk, Soul Talk" by Jennifer Rothschild. We had a very animated discussion about the subject of hope. And I've been thinking hopeful thoughts all day.

I like that hope is a choice. I like choices. But I also know that the true hope I find is in Jesus Christ. That knowledge changed my life one day. One day I was going through a very difficult time. I was dealing with a personal grief that had not been expected and it set me spinning a bit. I remember wrapping myself in my robe, with my journal and my tears and coffee, of course. I sat on my deck and just waited in the silence. It was a warm day and the sun was rising--this golden yellow--a perfect fall day. I looked around at the changing hues of leaves on the towering oaks and breathed in the freshness of the day. All at once I had this feeling on my heart: A new day has dawned. In the midst of my own personal grief, for me, it was God's precious message to me that life goes on--whether I am joyful or sad, having a great day or an "off" day. The words of the hymn "My Hope Is Built on Nothing Less" came to me: I hummed the tune and wrote down the words to let them soak into my heart:

On Christ the solid Rock I stand, All other ground is sinking sand;

All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,

I rest on His unchanging grace.

In every high and stormy gale,

My anchor holds within the veil.

Today is a day where hope is overflowing in my soul. The springtime day in February--a special gift--helps me think about hope. One of my favorite scriptures is Romans 5:3-5. It has been meaningful over and over in my life:

Romans 5:3-5: Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Even when we have a tiny glimmer of light to hold onto, we are holding onto hope. It may not feel that way in the midst of suffering or pain, but the tiniest light can help us stay steady and hang on. When our hope is in Jesus Christ and not in earthly things or earthly people, the glimmer of hope eventually grows to a wide horizon of hope that seeps into our soul and begins to change our perspective. The despair seems to dissipate and slowly we begin to experience God's truth and God's hope. It's as if we're transformed out of fearfulness and instead we choose hopefulness. Because the One we hope in is an anchor of our faith.

This quote on hope by Henri Nouwen speaks deeply to me: "When we become aware that we do not have to escape our pains, but that we cam mobilize them into a common search for life, those very pains are transformed from expressions of despair into signs of hope."

I wonder what your signs of hope might be.  Some of mine include looking into my sons' eyes and seeing light, curiosity, determination, wonder. And hearing my nieces and nephews laugh with delight when they play together. Seeing my parents so deeply in love after 50+ years of marriage. Experiencing people growing more deeply in their faith. Getting a call from my nephew serving in Iraq. Letting go of an old hurt. Feeling forgiveness well up within me. A smile exchanged with a stranger. The touch of someone's hand on my shoulder. My sister's courage. And her faith. Seeing a single mom begin to heal through pain.  Being used as God's vessel in some surprising way. An answered prayer. The gift of authentic love. (OK, and the Phillies winning the World Series). A robin making her nest, a cardinal in the winter, spring blossoms, the hot summer sun.  The list goes on and on when I awake and aware of God's movement in this world.

All signs of hope such a precious wonder. All given by an amazing God. All of it reminding me that hope abounds.

Fingerprints of God

Several times in the last few weeks, I've been brought back again to the beautiful words of Psalm 139. It truly is one of my favorite scriptures and over and over I feel the words coming to life. As I prayed for different friends in different situations, this beautiful scripture came to me again. To me, it is this beautiful account of God's deep and lasting love for us.

It reminded me of the way God drew me to him in a new way through the experiences of my life. The fingerprints of God on my life. I recalled a time in my life, especially as a newly single parent that I felt so bad about myself, I was almost paralyzed in this view of myself as a pretty unlovely person. I was broken. That had a great deal with the fact that the one I had carefully chosen to love and take marriage vows with, had decided he no longer loved me. The betrayal and rejection of those feelings, along with still trying to run my house, hold down and job and care for my children was more than overwhelming.

Through the chaos and pain, though, I was brought into an even deeper love affair with God. This Psalm had a great deal to do with it. I remember in all my brokenness one night being led to this Psalm and it has become a comfort and a joy to me. The thing is, God drew my focus off myself and my situation and onto to Him. That was the change for me. I can remember not just acknowledging my faith or feeling God's love. It was as if I heard God whisper, "RECEIVE my love." Something in my heart changed then. It wasn't just a God moment to me. It was THE moment. God's clear fingerprints on my life. On my heart. On my soul.

In David's Psalm he proclaims: "You hem me in both behind and in front and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is so high that I cannot attain it… For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; I know that full well." (Psalm 139:5-6, 13-14). I love the passion that David protrays in this Psalm and the knowledge that the reason for our creation is beyond ourselveslves.

On a summer night when my entire family (my parents, siblings and families and my sons and I) were on a vacation at the Jersey shore. I was on the deck alone. I looked out over the bay and up to the full moon and the millions of twinkling stars. As I gazed into the sky, the beauty was breathtaking. I thought of this Psalm and of the vastness of creation and thought and God's fingerprints on creation and His fingerprints on my life.

That God of all creation knit me in mother's womb, knows the number of hairs on my head (even the gray ones), and has laid out my life before me is too wonderful a thought. I am fully known and loved by the God of the universe. Fingerprints on my life.

I know that when I was at my weakest, most broken was when I was able to empty myself and receive God's grace--His unmerited favor--to bring me to Him. To set my eyes on Him and away from my circumstance. I was dying inside. I was hungry and thirsty. And I didn't know. I couldn't see. But He knew. And emptying myself, pouring all of myself out, and coming into His presence and receiving that love and grace allowed me to open myself to His leading, His healing, His plan for my life. Fingerprints.

The journey of knowing God, His love and His grace as my Comforter, Healer, Author, Creator, Life Giver, Life Sustainer and Redeemer gives amazing joy. I am changed because I received. Because God would not let me go, no matter the circumstance. Now I spend my life living KNOWING I am a Child of God, wholly loved, completely forgiven and a new creation every morning. The hope that God gave me can't even be expressed in words.

Wonderful are your works. I know that full well. Your love and grace change everything.

FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT

Resolution. A promise. A declaration. A decision. I hear so many people making New Year’s resolutions. It seems the thing to do. The year is closing out. It’s time for a fresh start, a new perspective, some way to improve our lives.

I am reminded of Ebeneezer Scrooge in, “The Christmas Carol” and the story of how the ghosts that come to him teach him how to have compassion in his heart and to open his heart to love others again. That is the kind of resolution that resonates with me. I’m reminded during this time, that what I have to clean up most is who I am on the inside. Are there shadows within me I need to reveal? Is there someone I need to forgive in order for healing to occur? Have I forgiven myself for my own shortcomings? Is the way I’m living my life pleasing to God? And in all things, am I constantly striving to seek the face of God? And not only the choices I make in my life, but am I responding to life and to the choices of others in the way God would have me? And do I strive for God’s will and open my heart so I may be ready to receive the gift of unconditional love God has for me, for my life, so I may experience His presence and to share that light with others? Do I really hear and heed the cries of help of others? Do I worship and glorify God with my whole life?

When I think of resolutions, I think the best place to start is to learn to trust God more and more. I want my life to be a gift back to God for all the blessings he’s poured out on my life. And even in a year that has had its share of challenges, there is so much I have learned and so many ways I see the face Christ. For it is through the storms of life that I’ve learned the most about the faithfulness of God and that my own faith has been strengthened, because there is much yet to learn.

So I want to make my resolve, my promise, to be all of who God created me to be. This isn’t an easy task, but it is what I want to strive for and with God’s help, and help of my band of angel friends who surround me with encouragement on my walk with God, I know I can move in the right direction. It is my prayer. It is my promise.

As I was thinking of what I would resolve to work on within me, this scripture from Galatians 5:22-23 came to me: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Which one among us cannot develop each of these fruits as a model of how to live our life in Christ?

I think about the challenges we face. They are actually gifts to mold us into something more. They don't seem it at the time. But constantly, looking back, I can see how God refined my heart through times of challenge and struggle. These fruits of the Spirit teach me how to be better than I am. They teach me that I will fall, but in all things striving for these gifts that Christ best showed as he walked on this earth, are examples of how to live my life.

So, as I make my resolutions, as I pray my promises, as I make my decisions to walk with Christ more passionately, more seriously, in a more committed walk, may God guide me and hold onto to me so I can truly become the faithful disciple he has planned me to be.

Martha, Mary and Advent

The season of Advent always brings to mind for me the story of Martha and Mary.  It is a story that has spoken to me so strongly through the years.

From Luke 10:38-40  (The Message)  As they continued their travel, Jesus entered a village. A woman by the name of Martha welcomed him and made him feel quite at home. She had a sister, Mary, who sat before the Master, hanging on every word he said. But Martha was pulled away by all she had to do in the kitchen. Later, she stepped in, interrupting them. "Master, don't you care that my sister has abandoned the kitchen to me? Tell her to lend me a hand."  The Master said, "Martha, dear Martha, you're fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it—it's the main course, and won't be taken from her."

I think the story speaks to me so much because I have both parts of Martha and Mary within me.  In the book "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World: Finding Intimacy with God in the Busyness of Life" by Joanne Weaver the author tells us:  "The thought intrigues us.  Deep inside of you there is a hunger, a call to know and love God...it is the heart-to-heart intimacy you long for.  Yet a part of you hangs back.  Exhausted, you wonder how to find the strength or time.  Nurturing your spiritual life seems like one more duty.  Martha appeals to our tendencies...what a hostess!"

The thing is, during the Christmas season especially, how can we not be Marthas?  There is planning, baking, decorating, countless events to attend...sounds like Martha will be in full gear, to me.  And in some ways Martha gets a bad rap...I mean is she not serving and practicing hospitality?  But it's when all those things wear us down to the point of exhaustion, that we truly do miss the point.  Where do we find Christmas peace when our "to do" lists are so long we don't even time to think, but only to do?  

But Jesus shows us the heart of Mary.  Mary definitely knew what she was "supposed" to do...I'm sure there was scurrying and chaos surrounding Martha's wanting to be a great servant and prepare everything perfectly for the Messiah.

But Mary was drawn to Jesus.  She was drawn to sitting with Him, to being with Him, to soaking up all He had to teach her, to the love that exuded from Him.  The story always strikes me that Mary seemed to have this wonder and awe in needed to be close and learn at the feet of Jesus.  He tells us in the this version of the Bible that  "only one thing is essential". That "one thing" is what I need more than anything else.  I hunger and need that heart-to-heart intimacy with a Savior.  Not just any Savior.  THE Savior.  The Savior who has come to save us.

Our church is experiencing the Advent Conspiracy (www.adventconspiracy.org) during Advent.  The focus is:  worship fully, spend less, give more, love all.  I can't help but think more about learning how to have a heart more like Mary.

There is so much that can distract us from the manger.  But having a Mary's heart makes such sense to me, and I want to strive to have that heart.  To be part of the story as never before.  To drink in the love, joy, peace and hope of that tiny babe that came to transform each of us.  Taking in the love of the one who came to transform all of us.  

A Mary's heart in a Martha world is really going against the culture of the world we're caught up in.  But a Mary's heart seems to be not only what I need, but what God wants of me. 

After all, Christmas is about the greatest gift of all -- Emmanuel, God with us.  That is just the gift I was hoping for.

CHILD-LIKE FAITH

I had the unbelievable privilege of growing up on a farm in Allentown, NJ. It truly was there--through the beautiful creation around me, through the bonds of family, that I began to sense God and know of His goodness. I couldn't have asked for a more tranquil, fun, loving childhood--and especially setting to become the child of God I was meant to be.

In my memory, I keep snapshots of photographs in my mind--memories, special times, events, special words that I remember in my mind, but tuck away in my heart. The picture is one of a little girl, blond hair flowing in a ponytail walking hand in hand with her Dad through the cut down rows of corn that had already been harvested. The picture is especially beautiful in my mind's eye. The sun is setting on a fall day, a blazing orange sky with fingers of sunlight shining through trees that tower with leaves of red and gold on the edge of the field they line.

But it is not the beauty of the scenery that strikes me most, but maybe that's because I can recall the heart of the picture I carry. If you draw in closely it is the connection between a girl and her dad that creates the splendor of the moment for me. The way her green eyes fix upon her father's face and the gentle way he smiles back that causes such joy at the memory. Because the picture reminds me of something greater on this journey of faith. It is assurance, conviction and belief of a priceless gift: child-like faith.

There is something special about the simplicity of children. The way they love passionately, laugh contagiously and seethe world through eyes of awe and wonder. It was easy to love my Dad as a little girl. He was (and is, in many ways) my hero. He always had time for us, make adventures with us from the ordinary to the extraordinary, to laugh with us, to listen to us. And always, always loved us. I could trust him. He was my anchor. And my world felt safer because he was there to protect us.

What a wonderful model and example to understand and fathom the love of a heavenly father, given the gift of the earthly father I was blessed with. Through trials, hard times, joys and triumphs I have learned what it is to be loved unconditionally by a God who never leaves, who walks with me through every moment and has also paid the greatet sacrifice by the blood of the Cross. God wants me to be faithful and give all of myself in that child-like faith. We live in a world where commitment come an dgo. It is easier sometimes to walk away from keeping a promise, giving your word, reaching out and remaining true and authentic.

I want my faith and love for God to be that life-giving, life-enhancing, deeply immeasurable joy, that I had as a child. I want to love and serve God with passion and zest everyday. I like the photograph I hold in my heart and mind. It reminds me of who I was created to be. It reminds me that the delight and excitement of loving and being loved by a God who is so much greater than my own circumstance, deserves every part of me.

The words to "Faith Like a Child" by Jars of Clay really speak deeply to me and remind me of this childhood memory. But more remind me of the passion within me that I want to use to bring glory to God.

Dear god,

surround me as I speak,

The bridges that I walk across are weak

Frustrations fill the void that I cant solely bear

Dear god, dont let me fall apart,

Youve held me close to you

I have turned away and searched for answers I cant understand

They say that I can move the mountains

And send them falling to the sea

They say that I can walk on water

If I would follow and believe

With faith like a childSometimes, when I feel miles away

And my eyes cant see your faceI

wonder if I've grown to lose the recklessness

I walked in light of yo

Ive got joy like a fountain!

Be kind one to others

In Jesus Christ your sonT

hey say that love can heal the broken

They say that hope can make you see

They say that faith can find a savior

If you would follow and believe

With faith like a child

I may not always love and serve like that, but if I am constantly striving, I know I'm moving in the direction of child-like faith. And that gives me hope. Follow and believe. With faith like a child.

But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.” Matthew 19:14