Fortitude

“There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!” Romans 5:3-5 (The Message)

I attended a women’s retreat a couple years ago. It was a great day of fellowship and renewal. As part of the devotional time, the pastor led us on guided mediations. She had us pick a word from a basket and to meditate on that word for our ministry and our lives. We thought about if it was a word that could lead us or a word we needed to let go.

As I looked at the word, I just smiled. I’m always amazed that rainbow of ways God reveals Himself to me. The word was FORTITUDE. “How appropriate,” I thought. I had just been let go from my company in downsizing after 22 years of service. The grief and anxiety of that time was pretty stressful. Being the single parent of two teenaged sons in that situation, added some concern.

But as I thought about the word and about my faith and about how extraordinary all of the journeys of our lives are, I felt peace. This scripture from Romans came rushing back to me. A friend had read the scripture to me on the day of my divorce. Some other well-meaning friends had congratulated me on that day that I was “free”, and I felt anything but free. I felt such grief and pain. So when my friend recited this scripture to me, it really became a mantra for my life and faith.

I looked up the word fortitude. It means: strength of mind that allows one to endure pain or adversity with courage; perseverance. God used the moment to bring me around the bend. I had already experienced loss and grief, but as the words of this scripture sunk deeply into my soul again, I just felt God’s presence. I felt His nudge to rest in Him.

The thing is, through many storms and difficulties I’ve walked through, I am grateful for fortitude. But I wasn’t born with it. It was given to me as a gift from a loving heavenly Father. I can look at all those times and recognize that those dark times have brought new undertaking, new growth and a strength I’ve never known.

I am not the same Christian I was when I first began my walk. I’m grateful I already had a foundation of faith. But what I find beautiful is that the roots of faith are deeper now. I walk with a risen Christ who never leaves me and who I love and trust deeply.

There are days as a single parent I still fall into bed in tears—wondering how I can balance all the pressures I feel. I wonder, at times, if I have given enough of a foundation to my kids so they’ll make the choice to love God with all their hearts. The list for all of us goes on and on—balancing family, church, home, work. But fortitude in my faith-life has taught me that God is my center. It is when I center my heart and my mind on Him and surrender totally, I experience the gift of being made a new creation each day.

So through the trials and even through the joys and every ordinary moment in between God is indeed developing passionate patience, perseverance, fortitude and a strength that can only come from this God who loves us deeply.

And, my friends, I find such comfort knowing I worship this endlessly loving God who never, ever, no matter what, leaves us.