Living in Deep Water

Living in the Deep Water

I understand some things about my life:

That I want to live in the deep water

That it is what I have chosen

And a part of the complexity of who I am

Not deep water of the sea that consumes you

So you feel you are weighed down and drowning

But deep water so you feel anything and everything

With a deep sensitivity of heart and soul

And not just what lies on the surface

True, living below the surface can be hard and painful

Trying to make sense of losses and struggle and challenges

Trying to see how the tapestry of life is woven together

Both the innate joy and the veil of darkness that sometimes sets in

Having to peel every layer away and reveal the depth of my soul

Responding to the voice deep within instead of remaining passive

Like a caterpillar encased in the warmth of the coccoon

Risking all to become a creature of beauty ready to fly

Living my truth, and not the truth others imagine for me

Invoking diligence and courage and fortitude and strength

That is not second nature to me, but rather a gift I receive

When I am open and ready and willing to seek, and then accept

For so long I lived on the surface, making everyone else happy

Yet not experiencing and receiving the gifts I was given to share in the world

Not loving myself enough, so it was impossible to truly love others genuinely

Until I was to be pulled from the surface and enter the deep water

Deep water that allows me to let go of what was

Deep water that hopes for what is yet to be

Deep water that washes me clean

Deep water that allows freedom and soaring

Deep water that empowers me to experience the flow of life

Knowing that without the deep water

I would never have known

What lies inherently and profoundly within

And how God is ever shaping me still, even in the deep water