U-Turns

Yesterday on the drive from work to one of my family's favorite traditions of the Christmas season--seing the lighting of the Christmas tree in Palmer Square, Princeton, NJ--an interesting thing occurred. Someone in front of me decided to make a U-turn right in front of me. As a driver trying to respond, it was a scary couple of minutes. But it got me thinking about the number of U-turns I've taken in my life--whether work, family, relationships.

I've thought about how all those U-turns have resulted in changes, or rather strengthened my faith life. There were job changes, relationship changes, friendship revelations, health changes. I would venture to say, though, that no matter the circumstance surrounding the "U-turn", it was always the response to it, that mattered the most.

My greatest changes and U-turns have been in my life as a parent, specifically, as a single parent. There have been numerous times when the children were small that I my husband and I had to try new things, as all parents do, in the feeding or sleeping routine, in discipline and teaching. Those things, though, became increasingly difficult as I became a single parent. Although my husband and I tried to co-parent on the very big issues, there some things--many things that were solely up to me. And not having the "tag team" in place anymore, was quite an adjustment. There were countless nights I would wonder how I could do it all.


Trying to set good examples when you are in the turmoil of separation and divorce is a struggle. But it was those very first months when someone pointed out to me that my children were looking to me to see what was still stable and constant in their lives that I got a wake up call. I was trying to overcompensate for the pain and brokenness around them, and my parenting became relaxed because I was in pain myself. That was the first of many "U-turns" where I prayed for God be my parenting partner. Of course, the bigger issue of divorce was the largest "U-turn" I'd experienced, but now looking back at those times and acknowledging how much deeper my faith life has become, allows me to see that those "turn abouts" aren't always bad. And God uses them to teach us and give us strength we never knew we needed.


Along the way there were many other times I needed to rely on God and others and had to ask for help--something really hard for me to do. I had to try new ways, new schedules, new approaches, all to build a stronger single-parent family. The next huge U-turn for me was in the teenage years. The knowledge and understanding I gained was really about my parenting changing, as I began to encourage responsibility and also allow freedoms and choices, as we faced (and are still facing) those fragile years.


The thing about U-turns for me is this: it matters that I recognize when it's time for a U-turn, or a Yield or a Stop Sign. And I have been given wonderful friends in my life that support me at every step of my life and faith journey, so leaning and asking for help is a gift. And lastly, if I need to make a U-turn, it's OK...as long as I'm running (as fast as I can, sometimes) into the arms of God. There I will find rest, refreshment and renewal for this journey as a single Mom and a child of God. Because I'm so human and I make mistakes daily. But God is there waiting, pulling, pushing, nudging me so that on this path...I know without a doubt that I am never alone and He is my Creator, Sustainer and true Life-Giver and present in every moment.


Even, and especially, if I have to make a U-turn.