Courage

What does it take to be courageous?
Not afraid of danger or pain, I am told
I wonder if there is anything
Courageous within me.

But the examples are all around
In physical strength
And changed lives
In new perspective...
Even my own.

And I have been faced
Through suffering
With those that show me
Day by day
How they trying to get it right.

One breath, one step
In front of the other
Trying and striving
And leaning on the One
Who has saved us.

Lost and then found
Suffering and then healing
On death's door, and now alive
The old has passed away,
the new has come.

Courage.

"Be brave.  Be strong.  Don't give up.  Expect God to get here soon." (Ps 31:24)

Letting Go

It is amazing when you

Have the courage to let go

Of the things that have held you

Like a bird in soaring freedom

So many times

I have thought there were

Choices that belonged to me

But they were for others to make

And there is freedom in knowing

It is not in the rescuing 

Or sweeping in and fixing

But in one thing that matters:   loving

Not loving based on good works

Loving unconditionally,

No matter the circumstance

Or whether I thought choices of others

Were the best ones.

Because I can only choose

What is mine to choose--

And I am learning 

To let my judgements

Go by the wayside.  

And when I heal,

What I know is that

I am learning how not to react

But rather, respond, with love

And THAT choice is mine:

How to respond to the circumstance.

And when I can see that growth

I know for sure

God is leading me

Changing me

Growing me

Every day.

One day at a time.

On the Gifts of Being a Mother

When I first became a mother
There was only one thing I wanted to be:  Perfect
And I must say, looking back, I was far from that
But with God as my foundation the adventure
Was and is the most glorious part of my life.

I can't begin to express how being mother
Formed me into the person God created
It took a great deal of love first and foremost
Something most would say I'm good at.

But my greatest lessons as a mother
Came out of the struggle and the sacrifice
They are those moments that still
Sparkle in my memory.

Being a mother takes courage
Being a mother takes perseverance
Being a mother takes wisdom
Being a mother takes gentleness

And it also took a great deal
Of baseball practice and fishing
Of hockey games and reading
Of creativity and immense adventure
An amazing heaping of concern maybe
But a bigger dose of joy and laughter

When I became a single parent
I thought I had to be everything to everyone
And that took me down such a difficult path
Now I know I am only myself.

But when I look back to the joys
And to the heartaches
I see all the good that came
I think mothers are a priceless jewel

And the thing of it is that we are
As different as the colors of the rainbow
But we are all doing Kingdom work
Raising up the next generation

And by God's grace
Maybe these children in our care
Can see our faithfulness and love
Our hope and dreams for a bright future.

Because we have been pursued
By a God that will never let us go
Will never leave us alone
Will never forsake us

And we are planting seeds.
For the Kingdom.

Finding Solace...Everywhere

The rush of the city, the honking of taxicabs
People hurrying by, pushing through
And the distinctive sounds ring in my ear
And the wafting smells of the city rise

It is a dichotomy of sorts
This girl who grew up on the farm
Who by all accounts is quiet and introspective
And longs for the slow, sunshine filled days

I think of all the ways my Spirit has taught me
That my soul needs rest and to find solace
Because it is there--at the throne of grace
That I can listen, and hear and be.

Yet, I laugh at the surprise of knowing
Even in the city with all its busyness
I find the solace, the peace, the serenity
I am looking out on a new day
With the sparklin sun rising up over
The Brooklyn Bridge--an exquisite sight.

And even in the chaos that is around
I found a chapel and I retreat there sometimes
To their noontime vespers to settle and quiet
And meet the One who created me and sustains me
And holds me, even when the world is clamoring

The chapel houses a beautiful labyrinth
And I find myself almost running there
So I get to the peace, commune with the Holy
For that is where I find the source of my life

And now I find that it isn't about running away
Or finding the silence of the chapel so much
But quieting my soul, and practicing Sabbath
Learning to expereince Resurrection.

Mystery of Love

It is a great mystery
When I think of the way I am loved
Deeper than oceans and higher
Than the highest mountain.

Sometimes I forget
Or I wander trying to find love
But am I always brought back
To the one who loves me most.

For the one who created me,
The one that pursues constantly,
The one that molded me
And the one that sustains me
Is the whose love I want and need.

No matter what I do
No matter how far I run
I am consumed with that love
And now I can say for sure,
I feel that love in the bottom of my soul.

And the question is:
How do I show that love back
to the One who loves me most?
How can I be faithful enough?
How can I be transformed enough?
How can I be all I was made to be?

Only with an open heart
Only in obedience
Only with all that I am.

OPEN VESSEL

Mystery of faith, transformer of life

You have descended, Spirit of the Living God
Shaping my soul, awakening my core
Creating the path, leading me on.

Astounded that I see gifts I never possessed
Welling up inside so fearlessly and boldly
Tearing down the walls I had built up
Making what was broken, whole.

My cup of life that had seemed
Broken, flawed and damaged
My perception, not Yours
Perfection never the goal
But my humanness, formed by You

You have given all for me
As witnessed by the gift of the cross
But have I received—really received
And surrendered all I am back to you?

Accepting the forming of my soul
This developing, slow growth inside
Instead of my anxious control
Embracing Your grace, my humanness
Rejoicing in the gift of the Spirit

Cherishing the unsolicited
As offerings of your design
the unknown
To treasure the unfulfilled

Learning to love the flaws
And sure now of their purpose
As I let go in gratefulness
To be used for your glory.

Finally, an open vessel.

Little Solitudes

This morning when I take a little solitude
I am so aware that my loneliness
Has dissipated because in this silence
The solitude I find is in You.

I sit on the deck before the sun is up
And I overlook a small patch of woods
The birds are chirping
And squirrels are already climbing

I love finding you here
And I am so aware
That you constantly pursue me
And I need these solitudes

For in these small moments
Even if the world is busy around
I find in the inner life the solace
That teaches me about listening.

I listen for the rhythms of life
And listen for the whispers in my heart
And the way you direct my path
And for the one true voice I need.

In these solitudes
I find peace in resting in You
I find love that envelops me
I find hope that pushes me on.

All found
by resting in You.